The following is based on a true story…

There was an old queen bee

HELLO GENTLE READER,

Well, Tom and I are now "officially" married and the hustle and bustle of prenuptial life is finally settling down.  The boys are out of school and summer vacation has begun.  We have a lot of exploring to do here in Nicholas County and a lifetime of fishing, boating and swimming lies ahead.

Watching History Channel this morning with our 15 year old son, we watched a show about human evolution.  The long debate about our ancestors continues...

During a commercial break, Tom informed us about a study that was done so many years ago about how women find different male traits attractive at different times during their menstrual cycles.  It appears that as a woman becomes more fertile, she will generally find higher levels of visible masculinity more appealing.  

My question is do men somehow sense this?  Will men actually get a little more "manly" during their sweetie's fertile times?  

Poor Tom, by wonderful awesome stud muffin.  He wore himself out mowing yesterday-- using the push mower no less.

Hmmmmmmmm......

LaVerna Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Doing a little search for the Galapagos volcano (I've a closet hobby of seismology and vulcanology), I stumbled on a story about the tent city in Sacramento, CA.  Getting a little miffed, I searched a little more and found a few more stories regarding tent cities in other locations.  Then I searched a little deeper and, sure enough, some significant portion of this homelessness is being attributed to the (duhhhh!) National foreclosure problems.

OK, OK, now, I'm not always the sharpest tack in regards the finances of our great nation.  But, hey now, I seem to get as many emails about how to buy cheap empty houses (due to the Nation's foreclosure problems) as I do emails about Viagara and Hot Chicks with Big Boobs.  

Now I get pretty tired of all the negativity on the news and REALLY tired of all the complaining about Barack Obama, President (yeeeeaaaah!) of the United States, harping on all the problems the US is having now that were already problems when he took office (at least the media says his new dog is cute!).

So, folks, how about a solution to the homelessness AND the ridiculously annoying emails trying to sell programs that tell us how to buy cheap empty houses--

The government has given the Nation's banks gazillions of dollars trying to bail them out of the financial crises they created with, among other things, the National foreclosure problems (UNDER THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION).  In Obama's favor, there are programs in place helping "credit worthy" people save their homes, BUT I reckon if people are already homeless (aka foreclosed on) they probably are not "credit worthy".

YET, there are bunches and bunches of empty homes all over the Country.

Hmmmmmm, why can't the homeless move into these homes, fix up the ones that need it, and be given some period of time to save up a few dollars and repair their credit to be able to, well, um, find a place to live.

And while they're at it--how about if these same banks show good faith by going through their foreclosed on customers and, where people WERE "credit worthy" before the bank's big mess, report them somehow as having extenuating circumstances and HELPING them repair their credit.

Maybe it's time the banks begin bailing out the citizens whose tax dollars are bailing THEM out!!!

LaVerna Huey and Tom Vickers

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

It has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl to learn to play the guitar.  When I was about 8 years old, my father bought me my first guitar and I tried and tried to learn to play. With no money for lessons, I was pretty much self-teaching.  No chords, no notes, only a little girl's desire to play.  I even called Grandma one evening and sang her my 8 year old version of Country Roads.  I can only imagine how it must have sounded over the phone-strumming the strings as loud as I could, putting fingers on the fret board wherever seemed right and bellowing at the top of my lungs, "Country rooooooooooooooads, take me hoooooooooooome, to the plaaaaaaaaaaaaace, I belooooooooooooonnnnnnggg..."  Fortunately Grandma loved me enough to say she loved my song.  My desire to learn to play the guitar never left me.

30 years later, living with a truly gifted guitar player, I am finally learning to play a bit.  It all started before Tom when I went to the music store to buy the boys electric guitars for Christmas.  While there a conversation started with one of the salesmen (music store folks are so awesome!) and I told him my saga.  

When I was a little girl, Grandma was teaching me to read and write.  At that time, I was favoring my left hand and Grandma, having gotten the idea that left-handedness was somehow "bad" taught me to use my right hand.  In college I learned that this can cause many difficulties and in my case seemed to be where my difficulty in learning to play the guitar came from.  

In the music store was a slightly used Takemine Jasmine LEFT HAND guitar.  We took it home and I began again to try to learn how to play.

Since then we have added Tom's guitars (right handed) and a few more Leftys and I've been learning a little bit more every week.

This morning, as I had a little epiphany about strumming and notes I thought about the Takemine, sitting on the guitar tree, and the process that learning to play has taken.  There are a lot of life lessons to be learned from playing guitar.

LESSON # 1:  HAVING THE RIGHT INTRUMENT CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE AS WELL AS BEING TRUE TO YOUR INHERENT SELF.

Then there was the tuning (YIKES!).  It took forever to get those freakin' strings right.  They'd be so doggone close but the little needle on the tuner just wouldn't line up.  With time and patience, the needle would finally show correct tune and with practice I finally got to where I could tune my guitar in less than 5 minutes as opposed to half an hour in the beginning.

LESSON # 2:  FINE TUNING TAKES TIME AND PATIENCE BUT IT IS WELL WORTH THE EFFORT AND GETS QUICKER AND EASIER OVER TIME. 

Then there was getting my fingers on the strings correctly.  I have large hands and my fingers would touch the other strings and plunk the notes.  It was so tempting to give up saying my hands were too big, but with even more practice I could finally play a few clear chords and as it turns out, having big hands helps me do those inhuman stretches to get the spread out chords.

LESSON # 3:  SOMETIMES OUR GREATEST CHALLENGES BECOME OUR BESTEST ASSET WITH A LITTLE PATIENCE.

Now I am struggling with strumming.  I've gotten so frustrated sometimes that it's been all I could do to keep on going.  Then today while looking at the sheet music, it finally hit me the relationship of the notes and strumming.

LESSON # 4:  THE RHYTHM OF LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT FOR EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE. WHEN WE LEARN TO READ THE MUSIC IT STARTS TO MAKE MORE SENSE.

AND

LESSON # 5:  PERHAPS THE GREATEST LOVE MONGERING WE CAN DO IS WITH OUR CHILDREN.  THE MUSIC MAY NOT ALWAYS SOUND PRETTY BUT WITH A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT, OUR CHILDREN MAY LEARN TO DO ANYTHING, EVEN IF IT TAKES A FEW (30 OR MORE?) YEARS.

LaVerna Huey and Tom Vickers

Hello Gentle Readers,

One of the important facets of Love Mongering, I reckon, is showing our love especially when the circumstances make it a little more difficult.  

The other day, my beloved Tom broke his toe.  Nothing spectacular really-he kicked the little leg on my travel case that (oops!) happened to be sitting on the floor on his path to the potty.  You see, Tom being the loving soul that he is, didn't turn on the light because I was still asleep, so he didn't see the bag and kicked it, hence breaking the pinky toe on his left foot.

Now yesterday was one of those gorgeous days that beckoned me to go fishing.  Tom's toe was hurting like crazy, but being the Love Mongerer that he is, went fishing with me anyway.  

I guess it just goes to show that even a man with two left feet (minus a pinky toe) can still monger love in the not so greatest of circumstances.  Perhaps that will serve as an example to me when Tom wants to fish and I've yet another bonk from training a horse.

By the way, if anyone reading this happens to be my Tom, I love you, Babe!!!

LaVerna Huey

Hello Gentle Readers,

A few weeks ago, we took our 13 year old son, John, to meet a horse we'd heard about.  It was love at first sight.  Tessa, a beautiful 8 year old Andalusian/Arab took one look at John and put the goo-goo eye on him.  

John's other horse, Chessie, was somewhere in her late 20's to early 30's.  The twilight of her life had come and it was time to begin looking for another horse for Chessie's human.  John really liked Tessa but felt a little conflicted over bringing home a new equine girlfriend while Chessie was living on our old farm without him.

After a good bit of discussion, we called Tessa's human and told her we would love to pay the money to have the priveledge of bringing her home to live with us.  The problem was that after introducing us to Tessa, her human was having second thoughts about selling her.  She told us she'd call us in a few days to let us know her decision.

Two days later, we got the inevitable phone call--Chessie was down and the vet was on his way to give her the necessary shots to put her long life to rest.  We were heart broken.  A little while later, John came home from school and we gave him the news.  We had an extensive conversation about Tessa and John decided that, even though his first love was being put down, he still wanted to bring Tessa home IF her human decided to allow it.  John called the old farm and someone put the phone to Chessie's ear while he said his goodbyes.  

Tom and I took off to run a few errands and as we drove away from the house, I received a phone call from Tessa's human saying that after three sleepless nights, she decided to sell Tessa to us.  Within the hour, we got a call from the old farm that the vet had been there and Chessie was gone.  We cried, we told Chessie stories and laughed and we called Tessa's human to make arrangements to get Tessa later that week.

Tessa has lived with us for a few weeks now and at times we have wondered if a little bit of Chessie's spirit stayed with us in Tessa's body.  Probably not, but it definitely cannot be a coincidence the timing of how Tessa came to live with us.  Perhaps Chessie knew another horse had chosen John and waited until that time to leave us.  We may never know.  I DO know however that horses are probably the best teachers of absolute unconditional love I've ever known and if I can somehow learn this from them, then I may yet become a true love mongerer.

I've heard it said that coincidence is when God performs a miracle and chooses to remain anonymous.  

Maybe the timing of these events were Chessie's and Tessa's way of participating in their own miracle.  Maybe they were mongering love on us humans.  

There is an awful lot we can learn from a horse!

LaVerna Huey

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

Dwayne was just about to hang up when Bobby's voice mail finally picked up.  "Hey, Dude, have I got a story for you!  I've sent you my tapes and stuff.  Remember, you promised me a front row seat at your next Girls Gone Wild photo shoot if I sent you the story of a lifetime."

Homeland Security uppity-up, Dwayne (with the big cross around his neck), hung up his cell phone just as he was entering the BWKJP (Bikers Who Knew Jesus--Personally) clubhouse.  

Storming in with a camera and a REALLY big gun, Dwayne enters the building.  With eyes still adjusting to the dark room, the last thing Dwayne heard was an elderly gentleman asking in perfect Arabic, "Yo, Jesus, is that the idiot who gave you a hard time at the airport?"  

Dwayne, big burly Homeland Security uppity-up, disappeared that day, never to be seen or heard from again.

LaVerna Huey

Hello Gentle Readers,

Hmmmmmmmm, why DO I love Tom so much stubble and all?

(referring to my last post)

Enough said!!!!!!!!!!

LaVerna Huey

Hello Gentle Readers,

Now I finally understand why Tom's stubble grows so fast!!!  It MUST be all the milk he drinks!!!

LaVerna Huey

HELLO GENTLE READERS,

BULLETIN---DATELINE...THE WHITE HOUSE, Washington DC:

This Just In...

Our TOP SECRET White House source, "High Cheek Bones" just sent us a transcript of a recorded Obama family conversation....

Malia and Sasha (in unison, mostly): "But MOOOOOOOOMMMMMM, all the kids in our fancy new school don't just have a PS2, they all have Wii's AAANNNNDDD PS3's!!!  It's bad enough we have to dress in REGULAR clothes!!!  We just HAVE to have the video games like everyone else does!  Otherwise, all the kids will think we're DORKS!!!!"

Mommy (AKA Michelle Obama, First Lady (yeaaaahhhh) of the United States): "Watch your mouths when you speak to me, girls, that's an ugly word!" and  "Girls, we are living through one of the worst economic crises in the history of this country.  We NEED to set an example to the rest of the country.  Not every little girl is as lucky as either of you two.  Besides, JFK's kids didn't have all the latest video games either."

Malia: "Mommy, that's just plain ridiculous!!!  There weren't video games back in the olden days when Kennedy was President.  Besides, it just isn't fair!  Daddy's the President of the United States now!!!  It wasn't Daddy who made the economic crisis!  It was the laaassssttt President!!!  We ought to get a little bit extra for being his kids!!!  It's just  NOT  FAIRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sasha:  "Yeah!!!  Malia's right!  It's just NOT FAIRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mommy:  "You have my answer, girls.  You got your puppy after the election.  You just don't need all those video games because everyone else has them.  PERIOD!!!"

Malia:  "Mooommmmmyyyyyyy, please, please, please..." 

Mommy:  "I'll tell you what, I'll call Daddy on CELL PHONE 1 and put it on speaker and see what HE says!"

LEST THE 16 MINUTE GAP IN THE CONVERSATION (WHILE THE FIRST FEMALES TELL DADDY WHAT'S TRANSPIRED SO FAR)...

(ON SPEAKER PHONE FROM CELL PHONE 1)

Daddy (AKA Barack Obama, President (yeaaaaahhhh) of the United States):  "Girls, Honey, I think I have a solution.  There are plenty of things the girls can do to earn a little money around here that won't jeopardize National Security.  How about if the girls work and EARN the money to buy the video games themselves?  That way they'll begin to understand the value of a dollar."

Mommy:  "That's a good idea, Honey!  Girls, I'll make a list and you can start EARNING the video games or whatever other luxuries your hearts desire.  Hopefully, this will set an example to other American children as well.

Sasha and Malia (in unison, mostly):  "Yeaaahhhh!!!  Yipeeeeee!!!   When do we start? Does homework count?  Thank gooodddnnnneeesssss!  We aren't going to be DORKS after all!  Sorry, Mommy, I forgot.  Dork is an ugly word."

Michelle:  "Thanks, Honey, I know you're busy so I'll let you go now.  You're amazing, you know that?  I love you."

Sasha and Malia:  "Love you, Daddy.  See you when you get home.  Hey, you can even look up cheat codes for us from CELL PHONE 1!!!  After we've earned the games, of course!"

Daddy:  "I love all of you, too.  Michelle, I'll be even more amazing tonight after the girls are in bed!"

Mommy:  "HONEY, the girls are listening!!!!!!"

Daddy:  "Gotta go.  Secret Service is hollaring for me.  Love you!!!

AUDIBLE CLICK AS CELL PHONE 1 SIGNAL IS DISCONNECTED

Michelle:  "Now, go do your homework, girls.  I love you both!  Don't forget to give Daddy a kiss when he gets home and tell him thank you for his idea of EARNING your games like other American children ought to be doing."

Brought to the attention of the American Public by:

LaVerna Huey AND Tom Vickers

Hello Gentle Readers,

It's been a long day for the President.  After umpteen gazillion meetings and several nation-saving Executive Orders, Cell Phone 1 begins to vibrate...

Michelle Obama- "Honey, please don't forget milk on your way home.  The girls need it for their cereal in the morning."

Passing 3 WalMarts on the way home to the White House, President (Yeaaahhhh) Barack Obama's limo pulls into the local UNION market to get the milk, a loaf of bread and a pint of American made Ben & Jerry's "Blackberry" ice cream as a surprise for his harried wife (Ice Cream DOES do wonders for a marriage).

Ahhhhhh, thank goodness for Ice Cream 1 and a VERY smart President!!!

LaVerna Huey

Hello Gentle Readers,

My friend, Jim, and I came up with a grand solution to the issues of greenhouse gases and the high cost of gasoline (the idea came a few months ago before the oil companies decided to lower prices for the sake of the election, I presume).

Both of us being horse trainers, we figured we'd start taking our four-legged buddies with us to the grocery store, Taco Bell, Dairy Queen--you know, the places we often need to go when we don't need the truck.

Brush out the horses, saddle 'em up, tie on the saddle bags and off we'd go to run our errands.  The only tricky part was figuring out how to keep the equines out of the produce while buying our salad makings.  Pretty good plan, eh?

Then this devastating piece of news came to us--Argentina is suffering horrific pollution problems due to animal flatulence.  And, by gum, Alfie, Misty and crew surely do fart a lot.

Ah, the dillema...

No matter how we Americans get around, we are creating green house gases.

So, here's my question for the day....

So much fuss is being made over the pollution created by our automobiles, and horses, too, I reckon.  Why is no one making huge fusses over the cutting down of thousands of acres of tropical rain forests every day?  The trees are the lungs and filters of our planet.

Heck, even if I rode Alfie to the market and she pooped all over the road, what I probably wouldn't clean up would be washed away within a few days or eaten by our local bears (yeah, really, bears LOVE horse shit).  Yet how long does it take for our rain forests to grow back?  Who's the bigger polluter?  We who drive our cars (or our horses) or the big businesses cutting down million year old jungles?

Just a thought.

LaVerna Huey